Part I of II: A Word on Trauma
Dear Clients and Friends,
I’m afraid it’s been nearly a full year since last I sent out a newsletter. So much has happened so fast, the time has flown by, and here we are fresh into 2020. What I’d like to express most is my sincere appreciation for each and every one of you for having chosen to work with me at some point whether a private session, attending a public talk/workshop, or you just wanted to hear more. The people I am able to help or assist in some way fuel my passion to serve. Your support continues to inspire me to keep expanding, growing, and sharing more!
I’d also like to say thank you for your patience as I re-orient to life and living. I’m hoping this new year leads to more workshops, more speaking opportunities, and seeing more people whether established clients or meeting new humans. THANK YOU!
This newsletter is a snap shot reflection of 2019 and my growing interest, due in part to personal events/situations, into the realm of human trauma release work. The more I learn about trauma, the nervous system, and the brain, the more I appreciate just how important this work is. I’ve come to appreciate nervous system health is every bit as important as appropriate exercise, right nutrition, and getting enough quality sleep. Sometimes work around trauma is the precursor to good sleep!
Moving from New Zealand to Australia was a slightly tougher transition than expected, end of 2018 into early 2019. I feel the majority of people in this world don’t really understand the impact of international moves as the majority of people in this world never leave their home country, let alone their home town, even those with a choice. Moving locally is plenty hard enough!
From early 2018 into much of 2019, I experienced some of the most incredible insomnia of my life. The insomnia was not just an occasional day here and there, but days on end, going for weeks and sometimes months of poor to little sleep. Add to this the trauma of being molested twice unexpectedly by two different known people, some serious health challenges by a close family member, plus plenty of other things in-between, and it’s all been a bit much. Every cell of my being reached a place of saying no more, and communicated that ‘no more’ to me partly through the insomnia. Every person is individual and stress will effect each person differently, however, for me, as I’m sure there are many others out there, my stress showed up in my inability to sleep properly no matter how tired I felt or should have been or what supplements I took.
During this time, I was faced with possible burn out or worse, so I chose to take a time out in the USA with family to regroup. I feel very blessed to be fortunate enough to be able to do this. This is the same advice, I’d give to anyone, be they a friend, client, or stranger. That advice specifically is to take the time and put in the effort to develop a healthy enough relationship with one’s own body, that he, she, them/they, other, can hear and respond to the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) queue’s when something is off. This skill, though often not valued by our fast paced Western, ‘developed’ society, is vital to living a well life. We are after all in a body, and through the years my body and those of my 100’s of clients, have all subtly taught me the power and wisdom residing in the body. Amazing!
Molestation & Trauma and Why Trauma Release Work is Important:
Now let’s talk about the molestation that occurred at the beginning of 2018. This relates deeply to the importance of trauma release work. For the second molestation, a second email will be used (part II) for that later.
The irony of the molestation that occurred beginning of 2018 is that it occurred while I was in a room with highly trained self defense and combat artist, some of which having several black belts in some martial arts or another. Now that I reflect on this incident, there were at least13 total combined black belts in that space. Not 13 people with a black belt each, but people with their combined black belts totally about 13 total black belts…I feel like this could be the start of some dark martial arts comedy opening scene, seriously!
Yet, in this space, one that theoretically, probably statistically too, should have been one of the safest spaces one could be in, I was molested. For the record, the man that molested me had no martial arts training so did not have a black belt in marital arts. Also it was another man, one with a black belt or two, that eventually caught my body language shift and upon looking up saw something was wrong. It was his asking “what’s going on here?” that prompted the man in the act of fondling my thigh to remove his hand.
Here’s a little personal back story about me that illustrates the importance of trauma work. Prior to this incident, I’ve had unfortunately a collection of more #metoos than I can count. Usually these incidents have been gropes and inappropriate pinches, or rude/grotesque comments over the years. A few incidents have involved being corned, solicited, chased, and once finding myself surrounded by a dangerous youth gang while in Brazil. In case you are curious, during the Brazil gang incident, a human angel showed up last minute and defused the situation quickly. Thus, over the years I have had serious cause to study martial arts myself as I know what it’s like to feel, I may die today…
The incident of 2018 was the first time I’d been molested post my serious self defense/combat arts training. I had always assumed that since starting training and having trained for several years up to that point, I would ‘know’ how to defend myself and would react appropriately. However the truth was when that man, a non martial arts guest and colleague of another man there, put his hand intentionally on my thigh, I went into a shock and freeze state. The molester decided my total body freeze and lack of breathing was a queue I wanted him to keep going, so he slowly creeped his hand up my thigh. It was a confusing and disorienting experience, one that filled me with disgust, fear, and anger. I wasn’t just angry at this man for violating my trust, I was also angry and disgusted with myself, that after all these years of study, training, and testing, in this moment, when it really counted, I couldn’t move or speak up. I’m sure I would have come back to my body with enough time, but in that moment and the seconds that followed, time slowed and there wasn’t much I could do. So what was happening in my body and nervous system that caused this system lock up?
It wasn’t until I brought this incident up with my master emotional healer friend, Elicia Miller, of Core Emotional Healing, I just happened to be working with at the time, that I began to unravel what happened. It was my work with her that helped me begin to take the action steps to prevent anything like that from happening again. Elicia educated me that when there exists previous un-dealt with trauma history in the body, it’s nearly impossible to have a healthy reaction when new incidents pop up. It’s as if the best we can do in the moment is react from the previous back log of stuck energy, from what ever had happened in the past. For me that was freeze. Slowly, with the help of Elicia Miller, a few other loving humans, and my own steady consistency, I began to address and unravel the trauma of my past along with the new trauma that had just arrived.
Then early in 2019, I was molested again, by a male client whom I had already been working with over several weeks. Though, I still had a partial freeze response-I felt a little slow and sluggish, I was still able to divert this client's hand, step away, and clearly state, "this isn’t that kind of massage". In retrospect I wish I had fired this client on the spot. There were other issues with him, little red flags before and after the incident. I’ll dive deeper into the deeper illumination of that experience in part II of the next newsletter.
To date, I’m slowly starting to sleep better and feeling much more confident that I’ll have a healthier response to any future incidents if and when they occur. This year, I've promised myself the next person to try and touch me inappropriately will find his or her face and most likely their body too on the ground and/or I’ll make such a vocal fuss this person will wish they hadn’t even had the thought. I feel NOW I can finally trust my training and instincts.
USA Treatments & International Consultations:
For the time being, I will remain in the USA most likely through the USA summer of 2020. For those interested in body treatments but are too far away, I still offer phone coaching and consultations, via WhatsApp, WeeChat, or Facebook Messenger. You can find out more about those offerings here. Though a phone consultation may not seem as beneficial as actual hands on, there is still much that can be shared and imparted when one is dealing with some wellness issue.
Private hands on one-on-one sessions in the USA are mainly conducted in either Marietta or Toccoa, Georgia. We have a resident Corgi on the property to great everyone, named Presto, especially at the Marietta location. You may call or text my USA mobile 470-272-3247 to schedule an appointment.
So for now, here’s to a fabulous, healthy, and trauma free 2020!
With love and gratitude,
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